Dinner
and a Movie
Goosebumps
in a Black Barn
By
Steve Herte
It's
autumn so I've closed up our attic for the winter. We've had cold
weather but not a hard freeze yet (the dahlias are still green and
growing). My Christmas cactuses are back in the house and the little
one has at least 10 buds on it already. The trees are just starting
to turn color and the evenings have that beautiful glancing sunlight
and warm smell of leaves. I'm ready for Halloween.
Speaking
of Halloween brings me to the movie this past Friday night.
Several good costume ideas there. Unfortunately, I'm not built like
the werewolf. But I had a good time watching him. And where else can
one enjoy an autumn dinner than in a barn? Enjoy!
Goosebumps (Columbia,
2015) – Director: Rob Letterman. Writers: Darren Lemke (s/p); Scott
Alexander, Larry Karaszewski (story). R.L. Stine (Goosebumps
books). Stars: Jack Black, Dylan Minnette, Odeya Rush,
Ryan Lee, Amy Ryan, Jillian Bell, Ken Marino, Halston Sage, Steven
Krueger, Keith Arthur Bolden, Amanda Lund, Timothy Simons, Karan
Soni, R.L. Stine, & Caleb Emery. Color and 3D, rated PG, 103
minutes.
In
the opening scene we see a car with a U-Haul trailer heading down the
highway to Madison, Delaware. Gale Cooper (Ryan) is driving and her
son (Minette) sits wondering what kind of a nowhere place they’re
moving into. His Dad died a year ago and now he has to move, start a
new school and meet new friends and neighbors. Upon arrival at the
house, Zach is unloading boxes when one dumps its contents on the
sidewalk through the bottom. The window in the house next door opens
and Hannah (Rush) welcomes him to the neighborhood. Zach is pleased
to see such a pretty girl next door, until a crazy, stern man (Black)
replaces her at the window and warns him to stay away from her and he
or “something very bad” might happen.
No
sooner do they enter the house and they’re surprised by Aunt
Lorraine (Bell) – Gale’s kooky sister – and immediately Zach is
inspired to unpack his things in his room. Gale has been hired as the
new vice principal of the high school Zach will be attending and, on
the first day, he begs her to give him a 60-second lead when he
leaves the car so that the other kids do not see the “new kid”
walking in with the new vice principal.
Champ
(Lee), probably the least popular kid in school, makes the
acquaintance of Zach during orientation in the gymnasium. It seems
they are destined to be best friends. Champ feels that if he hangs
around with Zach he may have a chance with Taylor (Sage) for the
school dance (though she already has a boyfriend, played by Caleb
Emery – who may or may not be on the football team but is
definitely a jock).
Back
at home, Zach is taking out the garbage one evening and Hannah
appears behind a loose board in the fence between their houses. They
talk and she’s inspired to show him somewhere special she goes to
be alone. He follows her reluctantly through the forest to a
semi-cleared space. She flips a switch and the lights of a
long-abandoned carnival amusement area turn on, including a large
Ferris wheel. She gingerly climbs the ladder and the structure to the
highest gondola and Zach follows, still wondering about tetanus from
the rusty ride. At the top, he’s impressed by the view but
concerned about how to get down.
The
next night, Zach hears Hannah shouting with the strange man next
door. When he hears her scream, he calls the police. But when the man
answers and denies the presence of Hannah in the house, goofy
Officers Brooks and Stevens (Lund and Simone) are satisfied but Zach
is suspicious. The following evening, he recruits Champ with the
promise of a double date to the dance and tricks the next-door
neighbor into reporting to the police station. They enter the house
through a basement full of bear traps and find a room with a shelf
full of locked books by R. L. Stine, the “Goosebumps” series.
Curiosity gets the better of them and Zach finds the key
(conveniently located in plain sight) and opens one just as Hannah
enters the room.
A
powerful flash of light and shock wave send the three to the floor
around the room and they look on helplessly as the words on the pages
coalesce and a 10-foot tall abominable snowman rises from the book
and hits his head on the ceiling. Hannah warns them to be quiet but
the clumsy Champ topples a lamp and the creature sees him. When it
lunges, Zach pulls Champ out of the way and the snowman goes out the
window into the forest beyond. Hannah follows it and the boys chase
after Hannah, not knowing that the creature has toppled another book
onto the floor in the dangerous open position.
Where
else would an abominable snowman go but to the local ice skating
rink? This is where the three wind up trying to get the monster back
into the book. They fail, but the crazy man next door, who is indeed
R. L. Stine, succeeds. In the car driving back they learn that the
characters in his books became more than just words on a page, they
became real; hence, the locks on the books. Back at Stine and
Hannah’s house, they see the other open book and Stine realizes
with horror what character has been set free. It’s Slappy (voiced
by Black) the evil ventriloquist’s dummy – who, by the way, hates
being called a dummy.
Slappy
is the most dangerous character because he’s able to teleport
quickly. He snatches the book from Stine’s hands and burns it to
prevent his returning into it. Then he somehow swipes the rest of the
books, escapes in a car (don’t ask me how he reached the gas pedal,
he admits later on that he can’t reach the brake) and
simultaneously opens and burns them all over town, releasing a giant
praying mantis, a werewolf, a crowd of malevolent garden gnomes, the
invisible boy, zombies, the snowman, and a myriad other creepy
crawlies, including the “Blob that ate everything.” Slappy is
taking his revenge for being locked up for so long.
Stine
realizes that, with all the burned books, the only way to get all the
monsters back into captivity is to write another book. But it must be
written on his special typewriter, which is currently on display in a
trophy case at the high school. The group manages to fight off
various creatures and obtain the typewriter and Stine retreats to the
auditorium stage to start writing. In the car, Champ insulted him by
accusing him of “playing Stephen King” and now he has to sit on a
stage set of The Shining.
Zach,
Hannah and Champ set off to warn the rest of the town’s populace,
who are all at the school dance, about the disaster that has occurred
and they eventually make it to the DJ’s stage. But no one believes
them. That is until the giant praying mantis smashes the window and
reaches in, snagging a heckler. From this point on, it’s panicked
people trying to stay alive until the new book is finished.
Goosebumps is
based on the book series written by Stine who appears in the movie
and claims that the character played by Black is “just not me.”
My first exposure to it was the television series. I dismissed it as
kids have incredible, silly adventures. Buffy, the Vampire
Slayer seemed like a more mature version of the theme.
Though there are many monsters in this movie, none of them are
particularly scary, not even the clown. The werewolf, a beautiful CGI
representation, stupidly grabs a piece of meat from the frozen food
section of the supermarket and tries unsuccessfully to tear into it,
and then “woofs” before chasing the kids. Have you ever heard a
werewolf “woof?” It’s disheartening at best, even when he’s
the only character to come straight at the screen in 3D. I would have
preferred they used the 3D to make his jaws come out into the
audience. But no, this is a kiddie film. The small crowd of kids in
the audience didn’t believe it.
The
giant praying mantis not only uses its “praying” limbs for
walking (like crutches), but jabs with them as if they were knives. I
liked the garden gnomes. If shattered, they could reassemble
themselves. Still, Columbia Pictures, coupled with Sony Animation,
did a great job bringing these multifarious monsters to life. I can’t
blame Disney for this one.
As
far as acting goes, Black outdid himself and eclipsed the other
characters that were merely following the script. He was a raving
lunatic in the beginning and he mellowed out into a distinguished
professor toward the end. Speaking of the end, I’m hoping there
won’t be a sequel, but there probably will. The Invisible Boy (also
voiced by Black) was still around to type on Stine’s typewriter,
“The Invisible Boy’s Revenge.”
Rating:
3½ out of 5 Martini glasses.
Black
Barn
19
East 26th St. (between 5th and
Madison Aves), New York
A
barn, in New York City, across the street from Madison Square Park,
is a concept so outré that I just had to try it. When I learned that
it replaced the old eatery SD26 and was a little over a month old, my
mind was made up.
Though
it has a large window on the street, Black Barn does not reveal
itself all at once, for the glass is smoky. Inside, there is a cozy
bar with several small tables occupied by young people all engaged in
conversation while low-down blues slinks from the speakers. The walls
are black and the tables are black wood. The fiberglass armchairs are
a rusty deep red.
The
young lady at the Captain’s Station took my reservation and
politely asked me to wait until the hostess returned to seat me. The
hostess greeted me cordially and, while I followed her down a short
corridor, she asked if I’d dined with them before. I said no. She
said, “Prepare to be amazed!” I love a challenge.
The
corridor opened onto the main dining area, a cavernous open space
dominated by muscular blonde-wood two-by-fours arranged overhead as
if supporting a roof. But one could see that the ceiling was much
farther above. It was black, so where the walls. To the left is an
open kitchen sparkling in silver and aluminum. Next to it is a table
for perhaps 16 called the “Kitchen Table” where a special
five-course prix fixe menu with wine parings is served to adventurous
groups. It was unoccupied that evening. Above the kitchen, I could
see the windows of their private room, referred to as “The Loft.”
The hostess seated me at a table toward the end of the blonde-wood
superstructure and across from the booths at the back. Various rustic
farming tools decorated the walls behind the booths. OK, I was
charmed, so much to see.
Soon,
Jorge, my server, appeared and handed me the single-card food menu
nicely framed in a leather blotter and took my water preference. I
had already perused it online, but you never know what can change in
a short time. When he returned with the water he asked if I would
like a cocktail. I said yes, and he placed an electronic tablet in
front of me indicating that I should touch the word “cocktails”
and, when I scrolled through them and found one I liked, I just had
to touch the price and return the tablet to him.
I
chose the “Pear Necessity,” a bewitching brew of Bar Hill gin,
Merlot Pear liqueur, absinthe and fresh lemon served in a gorgeous
stemmed glass. I loved it. When he had served the drink, Jorge noted
the specials and announced a truffle festival. One of the pastas and
one of the entrées could have truffles included for an additional
cost. I expressed my love of truffles without gasping at the thought
of adding $20 to any of the dishes and thanked him. (The pasta dish
alone would have been $61.) But now I knew the caliber of the
restaurant I was in.
The
food menu is divided into the following categories: To Share,
Appetizers, Garden (salads), Ocean (seafood), Slow Cooked, Wood
Grilled and Sides. Though there were only four entries in each
category, it was a tough choice. When Jorge returned I told him that,
since it was my first time there, I wanted to go with the most exotic
signature dishes. He was pleased with my choices and went off to
input my order while retrieving the tablet for the wine.
Other
servers brought the bread basket with two slices of fresh crusty
bread, a soft roll and two spicy, thin breadsticks, a ramekin with a
cube of sweet butter surrounded by cooked garlic cloves, and the
amuse-bouche, a crispy wafer with a seafood and chive mousse. It and
the buttered and garlicked soft roll that followed it were delicious.
The
appetizer arrived next. The Tarentise (properly, Tarentaise, a unique
cheese from Vermont) Cheese Soufflé was served in its own little
crock and was golden brown on top. The server lovingly parted the top
with a tablespoon and carefully poured the hot speck-chive cream into
the center. It was heavenly, a crisp crust over soft, hot zesty
cheese inside. The cream sauce made it erotic. The bread sticks
helped get the last of the sauce from the small, black pitcher.
Jorge
returned with the tablet and I scrolled through the ample selection
of wines and found the perfect pairing. The 2011 Proprietor’s Blend
“Ernie Els” from Stellenbosch, South Africa, a full bodied
cabernet sauvignon with a smooth but assertive flavor and fruity
aftertaste. It was excellent with all my dishes.
My
salad was next. But this dish was a couple levels up from the basic
salad. Even its name, Curried Cauliflower Steak, was a cut above.
Imagine a thick slice of cauliflower cooked, cooled and dusted with
curry powder, then surrounded with crisp salad greens, halved plum
tomatoes and topped with a slice of Bermuda onion, then sprinkled
with pickled white raisins and dressed with a cilantro yoghurt raita.
The result is cauliflower exploding with flavors I never conceived.
Later, the chef arrived at my table and I raved about this dish. He
echoed my amazement.
My
main course was from the Slow Cooked section of the menu. The Vermont
Shivanne Farm Baby Goat was an impressive mound of sliced
rare-cooked, juicy meat over roasted rosemary potatoes and braised
artichokes. Sided with a lovely red ceramic bowl of sautéed
mushrooms it was sheer delight. And for the first time in a long
time, I didn’t finish the dish. Jorge wrapped the remaining
vegetables and mushrooms to go in a fashionable Black Barn tote. Even
the take-away was beautiful. But I had my eyes on dessert.
Hold
onto your spoons! The Chocolate Soufflé with vanilla sauce topped
with rum butterscotch ice cream crowned a royal meal nicely. It was
everything I expected, warm, chocolatey, sweet and homemade. The
double espresso and thistle glass of Galliano were just sprinkles on
the sundae.
Black
Barn is named after a property in the Hamptons of Long Island owned
by designer Mark Zeff, a friend of co-owner John Doherty (the chef I
spoke to). The cuisine is described as an American restaurant serving
local, artisanal food in the comfort of a modern barn. True and
definitely worth a return visit.
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