From Madagascar to the Ukraine
By Steve Herte
After
a wild week of wind, rain, freezing temperatures, Thanksgiving and
necessary yard work I finally got the garden set for winter.
Call
me crazy, but I find physical work rewarding. There's always a
visible result at the end of it for everyone to appreciate. Not
always so with mental work. Both can be tiring, but with mental work
(both at home and on the job), the results are not usually visible to
anyone but me. That's why I look forward to my Fridays, for it's time
to put all work behind and just enjoy. This weekend in particular had
a strong anticipatory feeling since I've been addicted to
the Madagascar films, and the penguins are a big
part of the comedy in that series. On the dining side, Ukrainian
restaurants are rare, and my memories of the few I've been to have
created a childlike hope that old-world style still exists. Enjoy!
Penguins
of Madagascar (Dreamworks,
2014) - Directors: Eric Darnell & Simon J. Smith. Writers: John
Aboud, Michael Colton & Brandon Sawyer (s/p); Eric Darnell &
Tom McGrath (characters). Voices: Tom McGrath, Chris Miller,
Christopher Knights, Conrad Vernon, John Malkovitch, Benedict
Cumberbatch, Ken Jeong, Annet Mahendru, Peter Stormare, Andy Richter,
Danny Jacobs, Sean Charmatz, Werner Herzog, Stephen Kearin, &
Kelly Cooney. Color and 3-D, 92 minutes.
The
camera pans over the frozen wastelands of Antarctica at the beginning
of this Madagascar spin-off (and, technically,
sequel) as the voice of Werner Herzog drones on about how desolate
and lifeless it seems except for penguins. An egg goes rolling down
the hills of snow and ice and passes by a line of penguins marching
who-knows-where and we find out that they don’t care. “We lose
eggs all the time,” says one, “it’s part of nature.” When he
hears this, baby penguin Skipper (McGrath) declares, “Then I reject
nature!” to the shock of all on line and he and his nest-mates
Kowalski (Miller) and Rico (Vernon) chase the egg in hopes of saving
it. It falls off a cliff and lands on the deck of an abandoned ship.
As the three are watching, a leopard seal emerges from a hatch,
devours a roosting seagull and, with two others proceeds towards the
egg.
The
three stare while, behind them the Documentary Filmmaker (Herzog)
appears Cousteau-like with a mike citing how terrified the baby
penguins are of the cliff and the certain death beyond. Then he gives
his soundman a cue to give the trio a push, and off they go on the
adventure of their lives. They acquire the egg (Rico swallows it) and
make their getaway on the business end of a harpoon gun. Dubiously
safe on a drifting iceberg, the egg hatches, producing the fourth
member of the team, Private (Knights). “Hello, are you my family?”
To which Kowalski replies, “You have no family and we’re all
going to die.” Skipper gives him his first warning about
inappropriately negative truths.
The
scene changes to a circus motif and we see the shadows of Alex the
lion, Marty the zebra, Melman the giraffe, and Gloria the hippo all
still dancing to “I Like To Move It,” which moves us to the
present. The four penguins are now the size we remember from the
last Madagascar movie and Skipper expresses his
dislike of the song by proposing a plan to leave using the clowns’
cannon and a part of the tent as a para-sail. They glide into the
wall (literally) of Fort Knox and successfully break into the vault
where all the gold is kept. But they’re not after the gold. It’s
Private’s birthday and they’re headed for the vending machine at
the far end of the corridor, which is stocked with their favorite
snack, Cheese Dibbles (exactly like Cheese Doodles).
When
Private is reaching unsuccessfully for his bag of Dibbles, a tentacle
reaches out of the machine and grabs him. Other tentacles grab the
others when they try to get Private back. Eight tentacles sprout from
the bottom of the vending machine as it runs to the exit, where a
passing helicopter hooks it. Dave the Octopus – also known as
Doctor Octavius Brine (Malokovich) has captured the penguins. He has
been snatching penguins anywhere he finds them in a vengeful mission
to turn them into monsters using a secret potion he’s concocted.
The
penguins make their escape in Venice, Italy where there is a
hilarious gondola chase scene until they hit a dead end alley. Cue
the arrival of The North Wind, a polar vigilante group led by a Husky
whose “name is Classified” (and hence he is called “Classified”
for the remainder of the film). The group consists of a seal named
Short Fuse (Jeong), a sexy snowy owl named Eva (Mahendru), and a
Russian polar bear named Corporal (Stomare). Onboard their
jet-powered flying machine, Classified (Cumberbatch) touts the
virtues of The North Wind’s fighting for poor defenseless animals
such as penguins while the egotistical and sarcastic Skipper only
half-listens and crunches loudly on Cheese Dibbles. As Classified
ends his sermon with, “No one breaks The Wind!” Skipper has had
enough and he leads the team in an escape, but they are drugged by a
dart gun, sealed in a box marked “Madagascar,” and put aboard a
mail plane. Knowing that Rico swallows everything, they escape the
box with a cutting tool he coughs up and, opening the bottom hatch of
the plane, plummet down to two other planes in the hope of catching
one going where Dave is going, but unsuccessfully.
Fortunately,
one of the boxes that fell out of the first plane contains a life
raft and they inflate it (Skipper rejected the parachutes that
Private found). All seems lost, Kowalski is seasick, Rico keeps
trying to eat him, and Dave has captured Private (dressed as a
mermaid). Skipper has no other choice but to work with The North
Wind.
If
you’re looking for an animated feature that has everything:
adventure, action, incredibly clever writing, realistic camera
angles, excellent photography, great 3-D effects, believable
characters, and both sophisticated and slap-stick humor, this is it.
Kids will not get bored and will laugh as much as the adults
(although to different aspects of the movie).
My
favorites were when the penguins are in Shanghai, China and Skipper
thinks they’re in Dublin, Ireland. Hence they blend in doing their
version of a “River Dance” and Dave’s great lines: “Nicholas,
cage them,” “Drew, Barry, more power,” and Hugh, Jack, man the
weapons!” I don’t remember when I’ve come back from a movie
remembering so many lines. The simple storyline of taking revenge on
all penguins because they stole the limelight from an octopus at the
Central Park Zoo is even funnier when you realize there never was an
octopus at that zoo and penguins didn’t arrive until about ten
years ago. Also, Kowalski’s assessments are hilarious (just the
concept of a penguin named “Kowalski” is crazily funny). After
they try using their flippers to fly, he concludes, “There’s no
use. We’re flightless.” But then he gets seasick when we all know
penguins can swim. It’s just great.
Rating:
5 out of 5 Martini glasses.
Korchma
Taras Bulba
357
West Broadway (bet. Grand and Broome Sts.), New York
Established
in 1999 in Moscow and Kiev, and then in New York a year and a half
ago, Korchma Taras Bulba is a window onto the culture and cuisine of
the Ukraine. Similar to Russian dishes and Eastern European cuisine,
Ukrainian food is still quite unique – and rare. This is only the
fourth Ukrainian restaurant I’ve ever found.
Outside,
it looks like any other storefront restaurant, with a maroon awning
and sandwich chalkboard to announce daily specials. Inside, the white
walls are decorated with colorful murals, faux windows and legends
and stocked with antique household items. I counted five clothes
irons (the sort that had to be heated on a wood-burning stove before
use). The ceiling is decorated with farm implements, while the staff
dresses in embroidered Ukrainian costumes: woven straw hats on the
men, flowers and ribbons on the women. It’s almost kitschy, but at
the same time overwhelmingly charming.
Right
at the door was the Captain’s Station and once announced, my table
was right behind me, giving me a full view of the restaurant and the
bar on the left. They were doing a lively business but it was not
noisy. Ukrainian folk music played overhead as well as contemporary
Ukrainian pop and rap. A Ukrainian soap opera was on a video screen
behind me (over the front window) and a Tara Bulba cartoon was on a
video screen in the back (it looked remarkably like a Popeye
cartoon).
My
lovely, soft-spoken waitress Liya brought me a glass of water, the
cocktail list, menu, and wine list. She only had the slightest accent
and was perfectly understandable. After an appropriate amount of time
she returned for my cocktail order. I said I would be remiss if I did
not have the Tara Bulba Cocktail – vodka, absinthe, Limoncello,
mint syrup, lemon and pineapple juice, and Sprite. It was the answer
to the question, “What’s tall, green, icy cold and tastes like a
Christmas tree with the kick of a mule?” I liked it, but after
reading the drinks menu stopped after just one.
The
menu is quite extensive and categorized into Cold Appetizers, Hot
Appetizers, Salads, Soups and Entrées, as well as “From the
Grill,” Ukrainian burgers, Vareniki (Ukrainian
Dumplings), Perozhki (Small Savory
Pies), Blinis (similar to Blintzes), Sides,
Desserts, and Beverages. I would have loved to taste their Borsch
(Borsht), but there were several more interesting items on the menu.
I told Liya that I was making it a three-course dinner and cited my
choices. She agreed that they were “very traditional”.
My
first course sprang off the page at me because I have not had this
delicacy in at least thirty years. Calf’s Tongue – a thinly
sliced poached tongue in a spice rub, served with choice of Ukrainian
horseradish or Russian mustard, and garnished with bacon-wrapped
grape tomatoes and kale leaves – was remarkable and brought back
pleasant memories of my childhood. The spice rub accented the tender
meat, but the Russian mustard set a flame in my mouth. I learned to
respect it right away. I even finished the lovely garnish. The
cracker on which the mustard was served I saved in the breadbasket
for later.
The
breadbasket itself consisted of two long triangles Russian black
bread with a homemade olive spread. More memories.
Although
the Perozhki called my name I went with
the Vareniki – assorted pork, beef, cabbage, or
cheese in a thin dough dumpling, boiled and served with sour cream,
topped with fried pork and apples. They were dreamy in their shiny
dark terra cotta earthenware bowl, almost too tender to pick up with
a fork but each with melt-in-the-mouth texture and flavor. My
cocktail was now long gone and I told Liya I would start working on
their flavored vodkas. My first was a Bacon-infused vodka served with
a pickle (gherkin) wrapped in pork fat as a chaser. (Did I mention
that people with high cholesterol should beware of this place?) I was
having a great time, and whoever the reviewer was who couldn’t
taste the bacon, I would suggest getting a taste bud transplant.
My
entrée brought back memories of my Aunt Katie and trips to Stamford,
Connecticut (later re-zoned into Darien). The Stuffed Cabbage Rolls –
minced meat, rice, onion, carrot rolled into cabbage leaves, braised
until tender in a tomato sauce, and drizzled with sour cream – was
nothing like my Aunt Katie’s (she used sauerkraut as part of the
sauce and no sour cream), but similar enough to conjure up good times
with food. To go with this dish I tried the Sea Buckthorn-infused
vodka. Sea Buckthorn is a hardy, cold climate plant of China and
Russia whose red berries are touted by Doctor Oz as a weight-loss
superfood. Frankly, I didn’t care about the weight loss part. It
was just lovely; a sweet, yet strong, vodka.
After
finishing every bite of my stuffed cabbage and soaking up the last of
the sauce with my delicious black bread, Liya arrived and asked if I
was ready for dessert. I looked at the list while she described
several of them but only on one did she use the words “imported
from Kiev.” That one was the Kiev Cake – “one of the most
famous cakes in all of USSR” per the website – two airy layers of
stiff meringue with walnuts, chocolate glaze and a buttercream-like
filling. This dessert was light while being rich and sweet and the
beautiful florets in pink and yellow on top made it visually
appealing as well. And what best to go with this lovely dessert but a
glass of chocolate infused vodka! Nostrovye!
Until
Liya reminded me of coffee or tea I thought I was finished. “Ah,
yes! In Ukraine we drink tea!” I said in my best Boris Badenov
voice. Liya listed the teas, and though it’s not particularly
Eastern Europe, I chose Earl Grey. It was delightful. While sipping
my tea I started reading the legend on the wall. It said, “For many
centuries the Korchma (a kind of tavern an inn) used to be a place
for entertainment and merrymaking during large scale fairs and
holidays in Ukraine.” It’s a good place for informal gatherings
as well. And then there is the altruistic part of the menu. I read
that with every order of Borsch they donate $1 for a child to eat at
their Kiev restaurant. I’ve never seen that anywhere else.
After
paying the check, taking care of the necessaries and thanking my
waitress for a wonderful evening, I knew (by the location of my table
near the door) what was coming next. In the Ukraine it is a tradition
that before you leave a restaurant you have a glass of vodka in a
toast. Who am I to break with a tradition like that? The young lady
instructed me to say “Budmo, Hey!” I did with gusto and drank the
vodka and ate the proffered pickle and walked toward Canal Street
humming “Lara’s Theme” (Aunt Katie’s favorite song).
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