Top and Bottom 10 Movies of The Past Year

By Steve Herte

Two thousand sixteen was a banner year

For 3-D films and animation’s glory,

For stunning effects and new tunes we could hear,

For Acting, Pathos, Morals, Laughs, and Story.

You may have heard the movies “they” acclaim,

And read my list with doubts about my choices,

These are the ones I’ve seen. It’s not the same.

But in the mix you’ll hear some other voices.

The Runner-Up this year is Dr. Strange,

His levitation cape has chosen well.

The great effects and story did not change

The missed tenth spot from which it fell.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them showed

How great imagination moves the mind,

Computers bring to life what myths bestowed

On us. Tenth place to this film’s more than kind.

In ninth we find girl-power, Hawaiian style!

Moana from the Disney lots breaks out,

With music, moral, lines to make us smile

And animation so superb, to think about.

Accomplished singers find it hard to try

To Murder operatic songs and smile.

But Florence Foster Jenkins showed us why,

Her eighth place finish beats all by a mile.

Will Smith takes seventh place this year with grace,

Collateral Beauty tells us we can reverse

Our situation, no matter how sad our place,

By writing lonely letters to the universe.

Lost children’s plight is sixth upon my list

With Lion, Dev Patel did make us think,

In India, how many lost are missed,

 And how few are returning from the brink.

The Finest Hours made it to number five

A stormy ocean rescue by Coast Guard,

How many men they saved, returned alive,

The bravery when things get really hard.

The movie magic shows in number four,

As Now You See Me 2 explodes onscreen,

And eight magicians wow the crowd and more,

Perform the greatest robberies you’ve seen.

An animated feature’s number three.

Zootopia takes creatures from the wild,

Predator and Prey live civilly,

Not eat or eaten, cowed or riled.

Conundrums caused by terrorism’s two,

Eye in the Sky had true white-knuckle-tense,

High tech surveillance, high tech weapons too,

To keep us in the grip of its suspense.

The space race of the Sixties took the lead

As three black women proved they could compete

With men in mathematics and succeed,

At Number One, Hidden Figures is a treat.

Mind you, my opinion’s just my own;

And you can have the rankings you respect,

So now it’s time for films where fame has flown,

The bottom of the list, the low select.

The highest of the low presents a feud

Two races should cooperate, but no,

The Runner-Up is Warcraft, though it’s food

For thought, it’s not much of a show.

A space adventure just for two is ten,

The Passengers awakened way too soon,

But not too soon for love, and then

They saved the ship, but didn’t shoot the moon.

At ninth, Captain America: Civil War

Pits hero against hero for some weak cause

We wonder what they all were fighting for?

Well maybe it was simply, just because.

A child with glowing eyes is number eight,

And we know ev’ry ET must phone home;

But Midnight Special wasn’t very great,

As were the search lights shooting from his dome.

Tom Hanks takes seventh place this sixteenth year

Preventing potent plague by puzzles solved,

Inferno trotted globally from here,

But went nowhere as far as I’m involved.

The Kindergarten Cop 2, what a bomb!

Made Arnold look like Gable as compared,

While proving “Sequel Theory” with aplomb,

At six, it ended happy, no one cared.

Alien Arrival’s fifth place win

Made “septipus” a household word again,

(A Disney fish was first.) Plot thin,

Banana ships, good aliens, bad men.

  

In fourth place is the “musical” La La Land;

Whose op’ning number is its greatest scene;

Compared to classic song-fests, wasn’t grand,

Bad acting, clumsy dancing, not too keen.

Ratchet and Clank deserves number three

An animated feature that fell flat,

A video game-made-film shouldn’t be,

There must be more ideas out than that.

In second place, The Girl on the Train,

A thriller that really failed to thrill,

Much touted, it failed to contain

The myst’ry, suspense, it should fill.

And now, the big moment, the big number one!

The 5th Wave clinched that spot without a doubt,

Predictable and rarely good, glad when ‘twas done,

The “aliens” are us, you figure it out.

So, if I’ve made you think, I’ve proved my case,

And if I’ve made you laugh, then good for me;

Yes, there are missing movies ev’ry place,

But I cannot rank the ones I didn’t see.