Dinner
and a Movie
By Steve
Herte
The
Emoji Movie (Columbia, Sony Pictures
Animation, 2017) – Director: Tony Leondis. Writers: Tony Leondis,
Eric Siegel (s/p & story), Mike White (s/p). Stars: T.J. Miller,
James Corden, Anna Faris, Maya Rudolph, Steven Wright, Jennifer
Coolidge, Patrick Stewart, Christina Aguilera, Sofía Vergara,
Rachael Ray, Sean Hayes, Jake T. Austin, Tati Gabrielle, Jude Kouyate
& Jeffrey Ross. Animated, Color, Rated PG, 86 minutes.
Most
of the action in this silly animated tale take place on
Alex’s (Jake T. Austin) phone and is a sub-plot to Alex’s
attempts to get close enough to Addie (Tati Gabrielle) to ask her to
the school dance. In
Textopolis, a crazy town on Alex’s phone, Gene (Miller) is a “Meh.”
The best way to describe a “Meh” is disinterested, verging on
bored. The kind of expression most seen on Ben Stein’s (remember
him?) face. The voice is similar to Ben’s as well, a groaning
monotone. Gene is the son of Mel (Wright) and Mary Meh
(Coolidge) and is excited about becoming an active emoji on Alex’s
master text selection board (Emojis have parents? Why?).
Already, he has a problem. Mehs don’t get excited, nervous, or
smile, or cry, or any other emotion. His indecision makes him blow
his big chance and destroys the text scanner when Alex chooses him
for a text message to Addie. Looking more like a Picasso painting
than a Meh, he confuses Addie and Alex’s message is not
communicated.
The original Emoji
and chief of the texting section, Smiler (Rudolph) gleefully declares
him a “malfunction” and summarily sentences him to deletion.
That’s the last thing Gene wants. He meets up with Hi-5 (Corden) –
basically an open hand with a Band-Aid on the index finger – who
has been relegated to the “least used” section of the text board,
and who wants to be more a part of Alex’s texts.
To solve both their
problems, they need to enter a “Piracy” Application – or, more
simply, app – (think the cantina scene from Star
Wars – A New Hope) and find a hacker. Once they get past the
Internet Troll (Ross) and the ever chatty, ever wanting to sell
something Spam (Ray), they find Jailbreak (Faris) at a corner table
and convince her to help them.
She takes them on a
wacky journey through wallpapers and a jungle of tall apps where
Gene gets caught in the Candy Crush board (it mistook him for a
yellow candy), Jailbreak has to have a crash course in shaking her
booty in an app called “Just Dance,” presided over by Akiko
Glitter (Aguilera) while being pursued by ferocious deletion bots
summoned by Smiler. The object is to get to Drop Box and through the
dreaded Firewall, to the Cloud, where Jailbreak can work her
magic.
The fascinating part
of this film is the concept. If you’ve ever had your smartphone
do something you didn’t intend, you’ll laugh at what happens to
Alex during Gene’s adventures. But the filmis just an imaginative
stroll through applications on a phone that doesn’t fully make use
of the advances in 3D technology. Nothing pops out at the audience or
hangs over their heads. The scene in the Cloud really misses that
opportunity. The young children in the audience were entertained and
were explaining it to the adults who brought them.
I was listening to
the dialogue. Nothing was worth quoting, though several clever lines
were spoken and a few funny sight gags appeared in the background. To
enjoy this movie you have to be looking everywhere at once. It
might even be funnier in a second viewing, because there’s a visual
overload of images. Guaranteed, you’ll miss many. The acting is
only so-so, though T.J. Miller did his level best and Maya Rudolph
approached true villainy but never got there. James Corden’s
vocalizations reminded me of John Candy (who would be my choice for
the role if he were still with us). Sofia Vergara was nearly
insignificant as Flamenca, who whirled in and out of scenes. And,
most shocking, was Sir Patrick Stewart voicing the character Poop (as
in “Poop happens”)! How the great have fallen.
The only time this
film gets moderately exciting is when Gene and Jailbreak have to
rescue Hi-5 from the Trash Bin and certain deletion at the end of the
day. It’s almost mindless entertainment, very colorful, good
animation, not so good soundtrack (rip-off songs from Aha and other
groups) and as I said, a great concept. But many missed opportunities
and hopefully, (I stayed through the credits) no chance of a sequel.
Rating: 1 1/2 out
of 5 Martini glasses
The Pool
99
East 52nd Street, New York
When I quip that
I’ve dined at the best restaurants in New York City, I’m
including the famous Four Seasons whose reign lasted 57 years (1959
to June 2016) when the Seagram Building refused to renew their lease.
This dining experience is a tale of what happened next.
In my search on
Opentable.com, a new restaurant called simply “The Pool” popped
up. The photo of the space was enchanting and the menu inviting and
it was only 12 blocks from my theater.
When I arrived at
the simple metal structure forming a weather covering over the red
carpet leading to the curb, I still had no clue I was visiting
somewhere familiar. A hostess lead me upstairs, through a
double-door (from The Grill), down a short corridor to The Pool and
seated me on a black leather banquette suitable for three people at a
table of equal length. I learned from her that The Pool has only been
open for a week.
It was then that
familiarity seeped back in. The 30-foot, floor-to-ceiling windows
with thousands of delicate chains hung like French drapes undulating
like waves in a breeze. The potted flowers seemingly defying gravity
as they levitated at each window panel. The rectangular pool in the
center of the room lit from beneath and bubbling like a Jacuzzi. But
it was the huge Alexander Calder mobile floating above the pool that
clicked the final piece of the puzzle into place. This IS (or was)
The Four Seasons!
The service staff
was as bubbly as the pool itself over the cocktails and the menu
selections and I got caught up in the excitement. My server, Guerino,
presented me with the leather-bound wine list and the single card
list of cocktails, with “wines by the glass” on the reverse. With
names like “Watermelon,” “Jalapeno,” “Grape,”
“Strawberry,” and “Tomato,” with nothing in the descriptions
to indicate where the flavor comes from, I asked Guerino if these
titles were just fanciful. No, he assured me, those were the net
flavors of the drinks. I chose “Cinnamon – Extra Anejo Tequila,
Grapefruit,” a giant, single clear ice cube wrapped in orange peel
and stick of cinnamon bark. I was indeed redolent of cinnamon but the
main flavor was fine aged tequila.
Guerino brought the
food menu, almost as an afterthought while I awaited the cocktail.
Another server brought two mini baguettes, hot from the oven in a
stainless steel serving tray that appeared to have been curled by
Superman and a sweet butter tapenade topped with fresh chopped
salmon. I was being primed for seafood even though the menu did have
a duck dish and a Côte de Boeuf. I was regaled by Guerino over the
menu selections and specials of the day. Though there were two
categories entitled “To Share” and “Toast,” he assured me
that they were not large dishes and could easily precede an
appetizer. I gave him my selections and started considering the wine
list as he put in the order.
The wine list was
more entertaining than my movie. Who orders an $11,000 wine? I have
never seen so many Chablis. (Some were affordable.) I chose the
2009 Gilbert Picq “Dessus La Carriere” from Burgundy, France. The
sommelier seemed pleased and made a flourishing presentation with the
elegant stemware and first pour. It was everything I like in a
Chablis: crisp, light, but assertive with only a slight iodine
nose, chilled to perfection and a perfect match to my dinner
selections. The only thing I had to remind him of was to present the
cork.
My first course was
the “Santa Barbara Sea Urchin Toast” with apple and spicy
mustard. I thought it was an amuse bouche when it
arrived: two small pieces of toasted baguette, thinly sliced and
topped with a curl of sweet, delicate sea urchin flesh and the
garnishes. They could easily have been eaten in two large bites but I
took my time with them and savored every moment between sips of
Chablis. Excellent!
My appetizer was a
daily special, “Alaskan king crab in spicy coconut cream
sauce.” Served in a clear glass bowl over crushed ice, the pieces
of shell-less crab meat were tender enough to cut with a fork and the
sauce was an Indian/Thai kind of spice flavor. The cool coconut
moderated the orange spice globules; now and then I tasted the curled
red radish peels garnishing the top. I definitely would have liked to
have had more of this recipe. Not surprisingly, it was almost more
expensive than my other dishes combined.
The main course was
one I’ve become a stickler on because I have a benchmark flavor in
my mind. When I first had the signature dish at the Striped Bass
restaurant in Philadelphia, I was literally hooked. When the
Boathouse in Central Park matched that experience, I had my
benchmark. The “Montauk Striped Bass.” with banana pepper and
mole spices (but not the chocolate, usually in mole) was again, a
dreamy, flaky, flavorful and not fishy delight. The sauce only
accented the bass without adding unnecessary fire. It was just a
tingle on the tongue. Again, the Chablis proved itself worthy.
Apparently, I hit
upon the signature dessert when Guerino smiled knowingly as I ordered
the “Layered Coconut Cream” with pink grapefruit and matcha
(green tea powder). The best way to describe it is to imagine four
pink and white petit fours lying in a row with thin chocolate tops
and bottoms, a dollop of homemade grapefruit sorbet resting on the
last one and ropes of coconut cream extending like jellyfish
tentacles over all. It was sweet and tart at the same time.
My double
espresso brought the meal full circle in its stainless steel cup and
saucer, matched by an equally shiny sugar bowl containing every
sweetener one could want. I was speaking French and Guerino, I found
out is Portuguese, but I was eventually able to order a snifter of
Grand Marnier Centenaire as after-dinner drink. An all-time favorite,
one that never varies.
On the stage with my
quartet, I was always told to keep the audience wanting more. That’s
what my dinner at The Pool did to me. Yes, it was expensive. But the
very next special occasion, you’ll see me at The Grill.
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