The Top 10 Best – and Worst – Movies of 2017

By Steve Herte

As in prior years, no one e’er complained,

My ratings of movies in rhyme and verse,

The twenty-two I saw, ranked and contained

In twenty-two poems from better to worse.

So before you go saying, “Why’s this one not here?”

The six-time nominees? Yes, I’ve them and how,

The reason on my top ten they won’t appear,

Is that they did not move me more to say, Wow!”

Top Ten (in reverse order)

Of all the good films vying for the right

A prequel’s found at runner-up rank;

Amazing Kong: Skull Island’s fight

Was won, like money in the bank.

A murder mystery in the snow

Made tenth place in my yearly count;

Wind River had intrigue at ten below

You watched it as the tensions mount.

Hugh Jackman sang his way to number nine

The Greatest Showman, Barnum was,

The dancing, singing, stunts were fine,

If musicals can win, then this one does.

Three remakes made my top ten list,

In this one terror reigns supreme,

“It” chilled me through, I must insist;

The eighth place movie was a scream!

Dame Judy made my top ten twice

A gardening Abbess and web weaver,

The mania in Holland, not always nice

But seventh place goes to Tulip Fever.

Another remake joins the mix

His double mustache did impress;

And so Poirot makes number six

Murder on the Orient Express.

With one and two Despicable Me 3

Was funny, clever, and almost live;

Gru and the Minions are worthy to be

The movie that ranks the number five.

A newsy reenactment’s fourth;

Streep and Hanks, love them the most!

Justice, free press, and so forth

Tell the story of The Post.

My readers may laugh and think me loco

For loving animated flicks,

But third place this year is Coco

For music, story, and camera tricks.

Although a remake, so well done,

So well-cast and acted right,

Going in Style missed number one

To claim the number two light.

The Best of Best by my quirky rule,

Dame Judy Dench did royally;

And so Victoria and Abdul

Ascends the throne, joyfully.

Bottom Ten (in reverse order)

If Alien hasn’t shown mankind never to grow

An unknown Life form, not even in space,

This sci-fi runner-up sees how far humans go,

To ignore all the warnings, whatever the case.

A new tack on Christmas, it could’ve been a hit

The Star was First Christmas from animals’ view,

The writing, too childish, was what’s wrong with it,

So tenth place it ranks on this reviewer’s queue.

A remake set further in future times, fine!

But Harrison Ford couldn’t save this one’s fates,

Blade Runner in Two Thousand and Forty Nine

Gets ninth place from me. That’s what it rates.

A prequel to a prequel, now that’s an odd thing

But Annabelle: Creation in order, was late

The two that came first were both Conjuring,

That’s one reason why this film’s number eight.

A character nobody seemed capable of killing

Logan dies with this movie, the seventh in line,

I liked Wolverine. But Hugh thought fulfilling

To star in a musical where circus lights shine.

The longest film title won sixth place this year,

It doesn’t fit on a single line of verse

A Thousand Planets in The City so queer,

Valerian’s sci-fi found it fit with the worse.

(Ed. note: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets)

In fifth place a series not told when to quit

Transformers: The Last Knight, a tale too bizarre,

Historic or Legend, now where does it fit?

Confusing and morphing those aliens are.

The Emoji Movie taught that a “Meh”

Was an emotionless Emoji. I had to ask, “Why?”

The film finished fourth with the story, a “Bleh”

A self-finding circle? I’d rather have Pi.

While thinking “A Dog’s Purpose” was what I would see

This Rock Dog movie came on in its stead

And though it was cute, fun, animatedly

It quickly located its place, number three.

The third in a series of animated blocks

Did not impress like Batman or one,

The Lego Ninjago Movie found its own box

As second worst film when all’s done and done.

The first one was good, but “Planes,” better

You would think they’d stop at two,

But Disney never got that letter,

Cars 3’s worst film of the year, it’s true.

This list does not predict awards

Nor shows films where they fail,

It’s just my own opinions towards

Entertainment, telling the tale.