Sherlock Gnomes

Dinner and a Movie

By Steve Herte

Sherlock Gnomes (Paramount, 2018) – Director: John Stevenson. Writers: Ben Zazove (s/p). Stars: Kelly Asbury, Mary J. Blige, Emily Blunt, Johnny Depp, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dexter Fletcher, Julio Bonet, Gary Bradbury, Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, James McAoy, Gang Chi, Rosalie Craig, Jamie Demetriou, Steve Hamilton Shaw, Leyla Hobart & James Hong. Color, Animated, Rated PG, 86 minutes.

The only reason I went to see this movie was because it fit in with my time schedule for the evening. I had no interest in seeing it because its trailers left me cold. I didn’t see Gnomeo and Juliet (2011), to which this is the sequel, for the same reason. Even the title was off-putting. The one redeeming quality that made my choice was Johnny Depp as the voice of Sherlock Gnomes.

The storyline is flat, the humor is only mildly funny and the antagonist, Moriarty (Demetriou) is ridiculous both in appearance (he looks like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man made out of pies) and in believability. Only once did he scare a child in the audience. 

Garden gnomes Lord Redbrick (Caine) and Lady Blueberry (Smith) are retiring and they leave leadership of the gnome family to Gnomeo (McAoy) and Juliet (Blunt). However, someone is stealing and smashing all the gnomes in London.

Fortunately, Sherlock Gnomes, along with Dr. Watson (Ejiofor) is on the case. He describes the last encounter he and Dr. Watson had with the genius of mayhem, Moriarty, in the London Museum of Natural History. In the scuffle a Brontosaur skeleton comes crashing down on Moriarty and the two heroes assume he was destroyed. But Watson is continually irked by Sherlock’s self-centered attitude and never getting credit when the case could not have been solved without him.

A pair of twists in the plot add a modicum of interest to the tale. But the cast of gnomes, which should have added comedy to the film, didn’t.

Sherlock Gnomes is a silly, colorful movie that tries to be for adults but is more entertaining for children. The animation is great, the sound is better, and a lot of great Elton John music is featured. Every time a character moves we can hear the ceramic “clink” reminding us that these are not flesh and blood creatures. The film’s heavy suits are visual and sound. But it’s not enough.

Rating: 1 out of 5 martini glasses.

The Grand Central Oyster Bar

89 East 42^nd Street, New York

www.oysterbarny.com

When you’ve been in business, failed, and remade yourself over the course of 105 years you have an idea of the history of The Oyster Bar at Grand Central. In New York, where location is key, the busiest train hub is ideal. Tucked into the mid-level between the main concourse and the lower food court, The Oyster Bar is a haven in the frenetic activity outside.

It’s elegant, yet informal. The red and white checked tablecloths remind you of your favorite neighborhood Italian pizzeria and the comfortable captain’s chairs bespeak seafood. The food and drinks menus are sheets of paper crammed with possibilities, including twenty-one different oyster varieties. It takes some time to choose.

The reverse side of the drinks menu lists all the liquors available and I was mildly surprised my favorite gin was not there. However, there was a London Dry gin called Sippsmith and I ordered my martini made with it. It was smoother than a Beefeater martini with a gentle kick.

Choosing my appetizer was easy. The Oyster Bar is the one of very few restaurants in New York where one can get Oyster Stew and that’s what I ordered. The smooth, buttery stew hides large, tender oysters and is a delight for any oyster lover.  

I ordered a glass of Chardonnay to go with the main course. The 2014 Jackson Estate from Santa Maria Valley in California was chilled and crisp, perfect. With it being April, I ordered the Broiled Shad Roe with herb-roasted tomato, broccoli rabe and summer squash. Shad roe is an acquired taste. I was a little disappointed that it was not topped with bacon as per the menu, but the piquant sauce it was in made up for that. It was meaty and subtle, a little earthy and a little savory, an amazing dish.

When dessert time came, my server brought the menus. I ordered the Pinot Gris-Saffron Poached Red Bartlett Pear Purse, a succulent, wine imbued pear stuffed with whipped cream and wrapped in a flaky, filo dough “purse” dusted with confectioner’s sugar and served with a black cherry compote. 

I didn’t need coffee or tea, but a lady at the next table must have seen me enjoying my chardonnay. She offered the remainder of her bottle of 2016 Otto’s Constant Dream Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand and I graciously accepted. It was smoother than the chardonnay, almost sweet, the exact drink to end the meal.

I try to visit The Grand Central Oyster Bar once a year during shad roe season but I find myself there more often because of its excellent location. If you have long to wait for a train, it’s an elegant calming area and a source of comfort seafood. Yes they do serve meats, classified as “non-seafood” on the menu, but why? Everything else is fresh, fish and fantastic.

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