Strange Magic, A Tree Bistro
By Steve Herte
Considering
the move I saw, the week could have been titled “Strange Days”
(by the Doors). I was happy I only had to shovel 11 inches of snow
Tuesday morning (not the 24 predicted), and even happier that the
office was closed, but sad because the blizzard canceled my going to
karaoke. Even though karaoke has a worse reputation than Barbershop,
it provides me with a release and a chance to sing the songs I’ve
loved over my lifetime. I thank Helene every day for introducing me
to it. While Helene was a song-stylist and sang her songs the way she
wanted them sung, I’m more of a cover singer. I like to emulate the
original song in every way possible, including key, inflections, note
values and asides. This passion of mine is a part of the reason for
the sour flavor of my movie review this week. You don’t have
to sing a song badly to ruin it in my humble opinion, and several
songs were, well, just wrong in the movie. See what you think. Enjoy!
Strange
Magic (Touchstone, 2015) –
Director: Gary Rydstrom. Writers: David Berenbaum (s/p), George Lucas
(story). Voices: Alan Cumming, Alfred Molina, Evan Rachel Wood,
Elijah Kelley, Kristin Chenoweth, Meredith Anne Bull, Sam Palladio,
Maya Rudolkph, Peter Stormare, Llou Johnson, Nicole Vigil, & Bob
Einstein. Animated, Color, 99 minutes.
“What
fools these mortals be!” –
Puck
“I
can’t dance to that music you’re playin’, you better get
yourself together, you'd better do it soon.” –
Martha Reeves and the Vandellas
Back
in the ‘60s when A Hard Day’s Night, Help!,
and Wild Weekend came out in the theaters, I thought
it might be fun to create a musical incorporating several of the
current pop songs of the day. The result was a corny, cobbled
together mish-mash of songs with meaningless dialogue and it never
saw the light of day.
Today
they call it a “Jukebox Musical” and Broadway has seen its share.
Of Dance of the Vampires, Movin’ Out, California
Dreamin', and Mamma Mia! only the last
survived the test of time. Jersey Boys doesn’t fit
the category because it’s more of a drama with songs (and pieces of
songs) inserted.
Thus
we have George Lucas’ attempt at forcing pop numbers into a
cohesive whole and calling it an inspiration from William
Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. We have a
Fairy King (Molina) who is never named (we assume Oberon) but we have
no Queen Titania. He’s a single parent (how au courant)
of the flirtatious Dawn (Bull), sporting Monarch butterfly wings and
her sister Marianne (Wood), who is adorned in blue Morpho butterfly
wings.
Marianne
(obviously named so that the song “C’mon Marianne” by Frankie
Valli & the Four Seasons could be included) is betrothed to
Roland (Palladio), a vain, self-centered, power hungry fairy in green
armor and Hawk moth wings. She’s in love with him and sings Elvis
Presley’s “I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” until she
sees Roland seriously kissing a green-winged beauty. Then the
marriage is off and she angrily croons Dionne Warwick’s “I’ll
Never Fall in Love Again” (Do you see where this is going?) while
Sunny the elf (Kelley) tries to console her with Bob Marley’s
“Three Little Birds,” with the lyrics: “Ev’ry Little Thing
Gonna Be Alright.”
The
land of the fairies and elves is separated from the “Dark Forest,”
where goblins and ghoulies live by a border of primroses. Both sides
know that the Sugar Plum Fairy (Chenoweth) can convert the petals of
these flowers into a powerful love potion. Unfortunately, the Bog
King (Cumming), who looks like an overgrown mosquito, is currently
holding her captive in a spider-web globe. He’s also having his
minions Thang (Stormare) and Stuff (Einstein) cut down all the
primroses so that no one will ever fall in love again (least of all
himself, after a failed past affair).
Roland
knows that the only way to become king is by marrying Marianne.
Towards that end, he cons Sunny into finding a primrose petal, taking
it to the Sugar Plum Fairy and bringing back the potion. For his
troubles Sunny will get the hand of Dawn, with whom he’s in love.
Luckily, Sunny finds the last petal and enters the Dark Forest to the
tune of the Doors’ “People Are Strange.” He manages somehow to
get to the Sugar Plum Fairy and she does her magic with strains of
Mickey & Sylvia’s “Love Is Strange,” instructing him to be
the first person to be seen by the one he uses the potion on, and to
not let a certain mischievous little long-eared rodent-like creature
get ahold of it. (This is probably as close to a Puck-like character,
though he never speaks. He squeaks.) Her payment for the potion is
her freedom. All is accomplished, but not for long. The Bog King
recaptures Sugar, and Sunny meets the unnamed Puck creature, who
steals the potion, causing Sunny to chase him through the forest to
get it back. But as the creature runs, he causes all sorts of weird
love-matches throughout the forest.
Back
in Fairyland, it’s time for the Spring Ball and Dawn sings Whitney
Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.” Sunny is performing
“Hey Yeah” onstage and having trouble opening the potion when
Marianne arrives and Roland frantically signals him. The Bog King and
his minions explode on the scene and kidnap (or rather, fairy-nap?)
Dawn as the Puck creature takes off with the potion in the confusion.
Sunny,
Marianne and Roland chase the goblins separately to rescue Dawn.
Roland has a small army and rides a squirrel, entering the forest to
a riff from Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” Sunny winds up riding a
large iguana that fell in love with him (you got it – the potion).
Meanwhile, at the Bog King’s palace some of the potion is spilled
on Dawn and she sees him first. Then it’s endless choruses of
“Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)” by The Four Tops
and it’s driving him and his cronies mad.
The
Bog King’s mother, Griselda (Rudolph) is delighted, because she
sees her son in a love relationship at last. At this point I should
warn my readers that none of the songs we hear are the original
versions. All are re-orchestrated and re-sung to new beats and
tempos. Whitney, Elvis and Jim Morrison are by now all spinning in
their graves with William Shakespeare.
When
Marianne confronts the Bog King in swordplay there HAS to be a song
for that and it’s Heart’s “Straight On” (a stretch, I know).
She’s horrified that her sister could fall in love with such an
ugly evil creature as the Bog King, but learns from the Sugar Plum
Fairy that true love can undo the potion’s effects.
Of
course there has to be a finale to all this nonsense and it’s the
improbable duet of “Tell Him” by the Exciters and “Wild Thing”
by the Troggs. I know, I would never have combined the two songs.
The
only thing this animated feature has going for it is the brilliant
works of Industrial Light and Magic. The characters move fluidly, the
mouths match the dialogue and song lyrics perfectly and, for a
fantasy, everything appears real. The only drawback are the hair
effects and large eyes on the female leads, which are too Anime. The
only song I anticipated being in this silly film was indeed there, in
part, not wholly sung or played, Electric Light Orchestra’s
“Strange Magic.” Parents, your kids won’t get this one. They’ll
enjoy it, but they won’t “get” it.
Rating:
2 out of 5 Martini glasses.
Tree
Bistro
190
1st Avenue
(11th Street), New
York
The
outside temperature must have fallen severely while I was in the
theater, because the clothing that kept me warm before was now
suddenly inadequate. Fortunately, though, it was only a three-block
walk to the restaurant. The hanging sign simply saying “Tree” was
my cue that I’d arrived and the gold lettering on the front window
as well as the black tree-branch pattern confirmed it. The tiny
storefront opened onto a cozy boîte with a small bar on the right
and about 10 tables in the back. The left wall is open brick with
randomly placed framed photos and a strange lacy sculpture, and the
right wall was painted off-white and had unframed paintings hanging
from it. The lighting was low, but not dim, from the single ceiling
globe, and white twinkle lights sparkled from within a glass tube
standing behind the statue of a pig wearing a Santa hat flanked by
what looked like a formidable artillery shell standing on end. (This
is décor?)
The
bartender greeted me and I told him of my reservation. Then Jolita,
my server, led me to a table under a painting that could only have be
entitled, “Ermine Eating Vanilla Ice-Cream in a Snowstorm.” After
pouring a glass of tap water and leaving the bottle on the table, she
asked if I wanted a drink. I chose a Bellini, but she told me that
they don’t serve “hard liquor.” Strange, I thought; it’s on
the menu. Later I learned that they’ve been open since 2007 –
long enough time to get a liquor license. (Never mind, they have
wine.) Jolita introduced me to their sommelier, the third of the trio
running the restaurant.
She
recommended the Barnard Griffin Cabernet Sauvignon from Columbia
Valley, Washington State, and it was love at first sip. After hearing
the daily specials from Jolita, I chose a three-course meal and she
suggested the order, which I agreed was logical.
First
up was Butternut Squash, Carrot and Sweet Potato Soup with ginger.
Many times before I’ve had butternut squash in soup form and it has
been excessively sweet. This was not. The carrot flavor was equal to
the squash and the sweet potato added the thickness, which would be
cream in any other gourd soup. Jolita proudly announced that there
was not a drop of cream in the soup, and yet it was lovely and hot
(my fingers were de-icing).
The
next course is an old favorite of mine, Escargot a la
Bourguignon, served in the traditional six-pocketed maroon crock
with a thick handle. The finely minced shallots and parsley
completely obscured the little nooks where the succulent gastropods
hid in their garlic butter. Jolita made sure I had enough sliced
baguette to catch every drop, and I did. Friends have asked me how I
can enjoy this dish. It’s easy. Don’t think about what they are,
just enjoy.
When
choosing a restaurant, one of the deciding factors is the online
menu. My main course was listed and, to my delight, it was available
that evening. It’s another all-time favorite French
staple, Cassoulet, with duck leg confit, bacon, and
garlic sausage all mixed with white beans in a garlic-lovers
paradise. Jolita presented me with another knife saying at the same
time that she doubted I would need it, and she was right. The duck
meat fell off the bone at the touch of the fork and everything else
was bite-sized and delicious. The side dish of creamy bacon peas was
irresistible, even though too large to finish. The bright green peas
and bits of crispy bacon again created the illusion of cream in the
sauce, which was essentially a roux. Once again, a healthy dish that
seemed sinful. I told Jolita that if my godson had had peas prepared
like this when he was a child, he would love them today.
The
soup had been a daily special and, now that it was dessert time (the
remainder of the peas were packed to go), I received a signal from
the bartender. “Try the Chocolate Panna Cotta!” he said with a
mischievous grin. I took his advice and told Jolita that I’d been
prodded to try it. She smiled and noted it down.
“Panna
Cotta” means cooked cream in Italian and this dish was the only one
they could not possibly make without cream. A large scoop of gooey,
sweet chocolate sat on a long narrow plate with cut raspberries and
strawberries scattered around it in their own sauces, crowned by a
sprig of peppermint and dusted with powdered sugar. I told Jolita
that I felt I was in Montmartre. A cup of double espresso cut the
sweetness of the dessert, but the after-dinner drink enhanced it. I
chose the Chateau D’Arlay Macvin du Jura Rouge, an unbelievable
combination of pinot noir grapes and marc-brandy that the sommelier
described as experiencing both a port and a grappa simultaneously.
She was correct. The deep orange/red liquor had both the sweetness of
a port wine and the kick of a fine grappa. I was amazed.
The
Tree Bistro taught me a lesson I’ve heard before. It isn’t
necessary to go to big, fancy restaurants to have food so good to
make one cry, and one doesn’t have to pay big prices to thoroughly
enjoy French cuisine. And there were no pretensions here. Everything
was French but without French being spoken. I was ready, but I didn’t
need to be. I loved it.
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